3 January 1857
THINGS THAT SURPRISE ME.
That the most contemptible biped in pantaloons imagines that the most attractive and ladylike woman out on a sunshiny day, is but too happy to be ogled and followed.
That women who are hump-backed, squint-eyed, or lame in one leg, should always select the most stunning colors and costumes.
That women should show their shallowness in public by wearing conversationally threadbare the eternal "him," and the "lovely laces."
That women should accept presents valuable, or the contrary, from gentlemen who are not relatives.
That men should submit their chins and heads to the promiscuous utensils of a barber.
That men can use profane language, and deprecate female virtue, in the presence of ladies, and still expect to maintain their claims to the title of gentlemen.
That they can consider it a proof of a superior understanding, to sneer at the Sabbeth and those [Missing text (page folded over)] and observe it.
[Missing text (page folded over)] make matimonial overtures to little [Missing text (page folded over)] of women.
That a lecturer should so often find the lost thread of his discourse, in the tumbler of water at his elbow.
That the tall, nicely got-up beau who occasionally shows himself in Broadway, should present the anomaly of a jet-black moustache with grey locks.
That women should unrobe to "try on a dress before a dozen dress-makers' apprentices, and any stray lady visitor who calls on the same errand; not to mention the occasional ingress of the dress-maker's brother in search of——his sister.
Lastly—That two women should by any possibility be willing to sleep together.
Fanny Fern, "Things That Surprise Me," The New-York Ledger (3 January 1857): 4
To cite this project:
Fanny Fern, "Things That Surprise Me," Fanny Fern in The New York Ledger, Ed. Kevin McMullen (2018) http://fannyfern.org.